Justinian in a Nutshell

The Ubiquitous "About Me" Page

(Last Updated on 1/1/2009)

How I got the name Justinian:

My first name is Justinian. It's pronounced Jus TIN ee an. Or, click here to hear my name pronounced correctly by the nice people at Merriam Webster.  My father, an attorney, named me after the last great Roman emperor, Justinian the Great. 

I've never met another Justinian, although I know a few of them are out there.  For many years, I went by J.C. because I got tired of hearing my name butchered.  Now, the only time I don't go by Justinian is when I go bowling - my bowling name is Jocko.  My highest bowling score ever is 211, which was purely a fluke.  My average is probably 110, and I'm being generous.  Despite my inability to bowl well, I did manage to get a "A" in bowling at college.

My Background:

I was born in New York but moved to Las Vegas when I was 11 days old.  Hence, I basically consider myself to be a native of Las Vegas.  I lived there until I was 19, and then moved away to Redmond, Washington.  I've also lived in Portland, a suburb of New York City, a suburb of Los Angeles, parts of Texas, and I now live in Lansing, Michigan.  I've lived in Lansing since 2004, and it's odd to have lived here so long; I generally move every two years or so. 

My Life Before the Law:

As of January of 2009, I have completed three out of six semesters at MSU Law School.  In other words, I'm officially halfway done with law school.   At times, I'm still surprised I'm in law school.  I never planned on being a lawyer growing up, and if the dotcom industry wouldn't have crashed, I probably wouldn't have ended up here.

I left high school at 15 and got a G.E.D. so I could work in the computer industry.  By 17, I was a network administrator for the Department of Energy's nuclear test site in Nevada.  Two years later, I worked for Microsoft as a software tester for Windows 98 and Windows 2000, and then as a network administrator for a now-defunct product.  I've also been a contractor for UBS Swiss Bank, Sprint, Perot Systems, Wang, dozens of law firms, a few construction companies,  and several non-profits. 

My tech career crashed in 2001, along with the rest of the dotcom sector.  In 1998, I was making almost $200k a year in New York City.  In 2001 I closed down my own consulting business and lost my house, my Corvette, and my life savings.  In 2002, I was making $100 a week and lost most of my pride.  I knew if something didn't change soon, I could end up joining the ranks of the permanently unemployed.

My Legal Career:

That change came for me when I returned to a law firm I once worked for in Texas.  I began working on their computer systems, became a process server, and then an investigator.  The latter two jobs were entertaining, but I wanted to be closer to the action.  Since I was the most tech savvy guy in the office, I was put in charge of handling online legal research.  Over the next year or so, I eventually transitioned into a paralegal role.  And I discovered I loved the law.

That's ironic because I remember many years ago joking that a "bombastic, solipsistic, self-aggrandizing, poor-team-player such as me should go into law."  That should tell you a little about me, and a little about what I think of most lawyers. 

I knew I wanted to be a lawyer, but I lacked a college degree.  The story of how I got my degree and enrolled in law school is lengthy enough that it has its own post.  In August of 2007, I enrolled as a 1L at Michigan State University Law School in East Lansing, MI. 

My Interests:

Law: My number one interest is probably law.  Why?  It's the fabric that weaves our society together.  If life is a game, law is the rules.  Or, as Al Pacino said in The Devil's Advocate, "Law is the ultimate backstage pass." 

I've got a few goals as a lawyer.  I'd like to get the draconian fines levied under the Digital Millennium Copyright Act against music swappers held to be unconstitutional.  I'd like to get State Farm v. Campbell overturned.  (If we have capital punishment, we shouldn't cap punitive damages)  And I'd also like to help - really help, not just profit from - victims of defective products.  Or, summed up simply, I'd like to use the law to stick it to the man.  After all, for the past thirty years, greedy corporations have managed to use the law to stick it to the little guy. 

What I like about law is that it's one of the few meritocracies left in America.  To me, there's something very pure and freeing about working in an industry where being right isn't only enough, it's all that matters.  As a lawyer, it rarely matters who you piss off, or whose favor you curry.  What matters is being smarter, faster, and better than opposing counsel. 

As you can probably guess, I want to be a trial lawyer.  I want to fight.  Transactional lawyers have their role, but that's not for me.  I want to play a game where there is a clear winner and a clear loser.  And if you come up against me, I'll do my damnedest to make sure you're the loser.

Writing: Working in law has helped me discover that I'm actually passionate about writing. That's why in addition to getting my J.D., I plan on getting a Masters in Technical Communication, and eventually a PhD in Technical Communication. As luck would have it, Texas Tech has an amazing online program for both of those degrees, so I'll be able to work on those while I'm practicing law.

Cars: If I won the lottery, I'd probably just spend the rest of my life alternating between traveling the world and screwing around with cars.  If I had the means, I'd probably end up owning in excess of 100 cars, ranging from badass sixties iron to a 300C SRT-8, and even an Unimog for the ultimate offroad adventure.  Nowhere in my stable of cars, however, would you find a ricer.  And by "ricer" I mean a car with a small motor and a big tailpipe.  I think the smallest engine I've ever owned is a Ford 4.6 liter modular V8.   

In late 2008, I got rid of my 1999 Pontiac Trans-Am when the six-speed transmission on it went out.  It just had a couple of basic bolt-on mods, and an SLP Loudmouth exhaust system which really lived up to its name.  I never did get it to a dragstrip, but I'm guessing it would have run about 12.8 in the quarter mile.

I also had a 1990 Ford Bronco with a 302, an AOD, a 4” Black Diamond lift and 35” tires.  I traded it for my current car, a 1999 Ford Crown Victoria that used to be a Detroit undercover police car.  It is without a doubt the most comfortable car I've ever driven, and I've owned or driven luxuy cars from every major American and German manufacturer.  If you're in the market for an affordable, reliable, comfortable car, I cannot recommend Crown Vics highly enough. 

As soon as I graduate law school, I'm going to buy myself a high performance car with a minimum of 400 horsepower.  Assuming the big three are still around in Fall of 2010, they each have cars I'm eyeing:  Chevrolet currently has three flavors of Corvettes, any of which would do.  (OK, I probably won't be able to afford the ZR-1, but I can dream.)  If it's out by then, the new Camaro looks amazing.  Chrysler has the new Challenger, and it's also a smooth looking car.  And Ford's basket of Cobras is also tempting.  Or maybe I'll buy something else altogether.  Regardless, I won't be buying a Japanese car.  If I have one flaw, it's that I'm a fierce nationalist.  I buy American, dammit.

Politics: For not quite a year, I worked for a Michigan Democratic Senator.  He moved on to another office, and I didn’t follow.  I still can’t decide if I had more fun working there or for the personal injury law firm.  Both were rewarding, but in different ways.  Whereas I got to work to help individuals while working at the law firm, I got to help everyone in Michigan in the Senator’s office.  For example, I came up with the idea for legislation to increase some regulation of the nursing home industry, and to stiffen the penalties for abusing nursing home patients.  I made revisions to the first draft of the proposed legislation, and am proud to say it became Michigan law.

If it weren't the worst photo of me ever taken, I'd post the picture of me with Senator John Edwards.  Even though he cheated on his wife, I still think he's a great man who would have made a great president.  For all I know he and his wife had an open marriage - it's not my place to judge someone for breaking their marriage vows.  (Unless of course that person is a moral crusader, in which case I'll judge with glee.  I hate hypocrites.)

Musical Tastes:

Music is another big part of my life. My favorite band is U2, which should also tell you I'm a fan of Coldplay. I'm a big fan of Robbie Williams, an English singer that hasn't really acheived fame in the U.S., despite the fact that he's bigger than Jesus in the U.K.  I will say that Robbie's Rudebox album was a total letdown, and Coldplay's Viva la Vida album only seemed about 90% done to me.

As far as female vocalists go, I'm partial to Kylie Minogue, some Sarah McLachlan - the stuff that isn't so thick with estrogen that it shrinks my testicles - and lots of the unknown or obscure female vocalists in progressive trance. Some of my favorite trance artists are Paul Van Dyk, Paul Oakenfold, Armin Van Buuren, Ferry Corsten, and BT.  Also ATB, because Ecstasy alone qualifies him as an amazing artist.  I also strongly encourage you to check out DJ Doboy.  He spins some great sets and has introduced me to some great tunes. 

Despite spending time in Texas, I don't like country music. I'm also not a fan of rap, although the occasional rap song is damned good; Salt Shaker by the Ying Yang twins, and Damn, It Feels Good to be a Gangster by the Geto Boys both come to mind as examples of rap songs that I like.  I would imagine that someday I'll be embarrassed that I ever put that in writing.  Especially if I ever apply for a grant from The Heritage Foundation or run for office. Then again, considering the antics that the "Myspace generation" puts on the Internet, admitting that one likes a couple of misogynistic rap songs won't even raise an eyebrow.

Two bands I've discovered more recently are Carolina Liar and Boxer Rebellion.  They're definitely worth checking out if you like guitar heavy rock.  Neither band would be out of place in the early to mid nineties, which to me was the high point of rock.  Not coincidentally, that's when I was a teenager; doesn't every generation think their music was the best music?

 My Goals:

First and foremost, I hope to become a successful consumer rights attorney, which is not just a euphemism for "greedy trial lawyer," Republican accusations notwithstanding. While I'm sure I'll handle my fair share of car wrecks - and probably the shares of a few other lawyers, too - I don't want to be an ambulance chaser. 

Instead, I hope to take meaningful cases to trial that corporate defendants would rather settle confidentially. For example, Firestone settled dozens of death cases related to their defective tires. Had more aggressive lawyers had the guts to take those cases to trial, perhaps the tires would have been recalled sooner, and fewer people would have died.

I also would like to specialize in credit lawsuits.  The current credit system is far beyond broken.  It needs a major overhaul, and I think the best way to do it is “regulation through litigation,” that process which all conservatives seem to loathe. I assume they loathe it because it often corrects the injustices that corporate lobbyists get written into the law.

Some of my personal goals involve travel. For example, I'd really like to go on a four-month train trip across the world. It takes you across every continent except Antarctica. I'd also like to take a trip to Moscow for a fighter jet vacation; for $50k you get to fly a Mig 29 and shoot down an unmanned drone. And ever since watching Insomniac's "Sloshed In Translation" about Tokyo, I feel the need to go to Japan.

My Hobbies:

I used to have more hobbies before moving to Michigan, but Lansing isn't the most exciting town in the world if you're too old to go to college bars and get drunk.  However, getting drunk at home while heckling bad movies, (liMystery Science Theater 3000 is always good fun.  I also enjoy playing first person shooters on the PC, fighting games on the Xbox 360, and Guitar Hero on the Wii. 

Of course, my number one hobby has to be irritating corporate sycophants by countering their tort reform propaganda with the truth.  You'll find my writings at www.tortdeform.com and at www.justinian.us.

Contact Me:

I'm on Facebook and Linked In.  My email is justinian at justinian.us.  I used to own Corpreform.com, but am no longer associated with the site in any way whatsoever.  Surprisingly, I'm also not the owner of justinianlane.com.